Hornbeam handles strong pruning well (As you have seen I think). So I would probably go all the way back to short stumps in different heights (Reflecting the thickness: Thicker= taller). Maybe all the way until the stumps are in the 5-15cm range. Then when it starts growing, wire the branches before they get to old to set.
Deciduous trees do take a long tie to develop. Cutting back to stumps is part of the process, as it enhances taper in the branches. And it is a dificult process as it requires very long term vision for a tree.
Of course you can also trim to half the height now, see what pops in buds lower down and in summer cut down to new branches if that makes you more comfortable.